Me da risa.

Dizzying but steadying...

2006-09-09T20:18:00.000-07:00

Well I've been home for around a month now and I must say the reverse culture shock was a bit dizzying. Well... maybe it wasn't quite culture shock because I am pretty flexible now that I have lived overseas and traveled a bit. I think it was going back to Springfield, Ohio which affected me the most. People here have Neverland syndrome... but not the good kind. It is not the kind where you are young at heart and all is good and dandy, it is more like you never grow up and you live in your pool of ignorance. People always ask me why the hell I went to live in Guacamole and start spurting off their nonsense about how all the Mexicans need to go home. No offense... it just turns me into Charlie Brown and the little rain cloud follows me around.

Catch my drift here?

In other news there are a few things I am excited for...
Starting school (better watch out for those dang liberals)
The half-marathon I am going to run
Starting my job (wherever this may be)
Going to see Copeland with EmilyEverAfter
Singing on worship team at One80

Life is happening.

I love Jesus. He loves me when I am so unfaithful to him.

I created a Slide Show! Check it out!

2006-07-24T18:34:00.000-07:00

2006-07-08T20:53:00.000-07:00

I am coming home in about a month.
This is crazy for me.

Not only have I lived in a different country for a long period of time.
Many ideas and mindsets I once had.. I have no longer.
Guatemala has changed a lot in me... but it is not all Guatemala.
It could just be my age and the fact that the average person changes a great deal between the ages of 20 and 23.

I guess I am ready to be normal for awhile.
But too... this may only last for a month and then I will probably just get in my car one day and dissapear.
Maybe I will be with the Amish... or on some Native Reservations. :)

There is something deep inside me that just likes to escape from everything I have ever know.
When you let yourself be immersed in something else... and you go just to learn, not bombard people with your culture, something deep inside you changes.
I think this is something many Americans have no concept of.

There are just many mindsets in the U.S. I don't want to be sucked into...
Being on the outside for awhile made me realize a lot of things.
I think it will be a weird ajustment coming home...
But I am ready. It will be a learning experience.

Paralyzed...

2006-06-10T10:20:00.000-07:00

I feel paralyzed today.
I just finished school, and I did well.
Kept my 3.8, which is good for me.
But I have a new set of responsibilities on my plate.

Now that I am done I would just like to stay in my bed.
But then these feelings of guilt wash over me...
"Amber you are lazy"..."Amber you are not productive."
Things in Israel and Palestine are nuts.
The volcano in Indonesia is going to erupt.
Floods in China are killing people.
"And Amber... you are just lying in your bed."

It is immobilizing. I would just like to dissapear today.

Forget that responsibilities exist.
Forget that I have so much to worry about.
Forget the pain of being in love and not having that person with me.
Forget the pressures of religion and being a missionary.
Forget living up to any expectations.

I am a normal person trying to live a big life, and I think this is the problem.
I want to accomplish so much, but my body and my mind pull me back.
My thoughts would like to destroy me.
It is kind of hard to think that many times the enemy exists in you...
And is not some firey red creature jumping out of the closet yelling "boo."

I just need to be saved from myself today.

I am starting again...

2006-06-04T15:47:00.000-07:00

I think I will start blogging again. Mostly because I have some great friends here that will not read xanga. Plus, I have an urge to write, but xanga is like... not for that or something. I want to get into different stuff here.

Question:

A person recently told me that the words Christian and Republican are synonymous. I do not agree. I think both liberals and conservatives both have some serious drawbacks.

Can you tell me why I have to be a conservative republican if I am to love God? I haven't seen it in the bible at all. All of our pastors tell us to vote for Bush, but whyyyyyyyy??

I found this great quiz. http://www.moral-politics.com/. Take the long version. Seriously, I thought it was quite interesting.

But it said I was a socialist. I feel kinda socialist actually. Not so conservative, and not so liberal. James says it looks good on paper, and doesn't work in real life. I am finding I am not seeing a whole lot that is working.

What do you all think????